Thursday, October 20, 2016

Pup Play Photos

So naturally pup play's been on the mind a lot lately. I figured if I'm going to yammer on incessantly, the best I could do is share some pictures instead. After this, headed to hypno. O;-)

Monday, October 17, 2016

Kink and Anxiety

In a call for people to be more conscious of what they can do to help their communities I recently said that it takes nothing but your time to show support for something or someone. While I stand by this as a general rule it is certainly not absolute: specifically for those with anxiety issues it can take a great deal more than just your time. When you have anxiety, showing support can become a constant battle between the stress certain situations cause you and the desire you have to help those you care about. Being spread too thin can be stressful for anyone, but the difference is that anxiety can be triggered in regard to specific, isolated events and cannot always be mitigated by carving out more time for yourself.

My own personal anxiety is something I’ve alluded to here a number of times (and struggled with for years), but I want to put a face on the severity of its impact for those who can't relate. I’ve been involved in the kink community over a decade now; it’s not just a pastime for me, it really is a lifestyle I embrace fully. I honestly can't remember the last time I went more than a week or two without attending a group’s bar night or a play party or attended a contest/event. Even with that amount of experience and exposure, anxiety can still immobilize me to the point where I literally can't participate. A few months ago a local group was hosting a game night at a member's house, someplace I’d never been. There were a lot of variables which were triggering my anxiety badly, but I managed to force myself to get in the car and drive over. Once I parked, I sat in the car for at least 10 minutes trying to will myself to get out and walk up to their house, fighting the urge to start my car, drive home, and make up something to apologize later. The desire to show support eventually won out, but sometimes it doesn't and I flake on things or people I care about. If anxiety can cripple someone with my level of experience, it can keep someone with less experience from even taking that first step. For some people, they may not only never make it to the car, they may not even be able to convince themselves they're allowed or welcome to attend a social gathering.

The kink community has always been very dear to me, from the very first time I set foot at an event. The friendships and relationships are so strong and open that I often find non-kinky people who are unable to believe that it is even possible for people to be that close and loving. The most prevailing theory as to why kinksters have such healthy relationships seems to be that kink requires a greater degree of self-awareness, helping build more solid and trustful dynamics. While this is certainly true, I don't think it is what makes the kink community so special; there are plenty of communities with a similar mindfulness. What I think makes the kink community so special is that it celebrates that there are parts of yourself that you cannot develop or even access without others. Whether it’s a headspace, an act, or a lifestyle dynamic, the activities overwhelmingly necessitate sharing experiences with others and developing the communication skills necessary to make those endeavors possible. Without this, most people will never understand those early twinges and pangs that so many of us look back on knowingly.

When I look at the community and those coming in to it, I see anxiety far too often. Sometimes it may stem from something as serious as a pathological chemical imbalance, other times it may just be an implicit distrustfulness from years of bullying or other such distress. Whatever the cause, these things tend make a person feel the need to suppress themselves for fear of rejection or ridicule, which can serve as a tremendous source of anxiety. When there are parts of yourself that you are deeply programmed to be ashamed of, other people accepting those parts can almost feel like you’re being gaslighted; you feel crazy for believing the ridicule is gone, like it’s just lurking around another corner. Sometimes you’re afraid to turn that corner, to have that new experience, so anxiety gets the best of you and you stay put where it’s quiet and safe. On bad days, it can feel like the very notion you could be accepted for who you are is downright insane.

As I stated before, most of kink simply cannot be learned alone despite how deeply ingrained kinky tendencies may be in some. You don’t have to try very hard to find someone who can, in retrospect, see that their interests impacted their behavior years (or decades) before understanding these impulses. We aren’t talking about a hobby or a trade, we’re talking about someone being unable to explore parts of themselves if they cannot gain access to the proper resources. This creates a unique obligation for our community to look out for those who are starting to learn; if we aren’t able to recognize when people are having a hard time finding circumstances in which they feel comfortable with these parts of themselves, they’re apt to disappear from the community.

One of my favorite annual events is CLAW, largely because of how focused on community-building it is. Every year that I’ve had the privilege of attending their amazing brunch, there’s been at least a 2-3 minute spiel on the difference it can make just to introduce yourself to a newbie during your weekend. It’s an amazing, simple, and impactful concept that makes a huge difference when adapted by a community. The next time you’re at a social gathering and see someone not really mingling, keep in mind how hard it may have been just for them to show up: do everything you can to make them feel welcome. Of course be respectful if they want to be left alone, but an introduction rarely hurts and lets you gauge their level of desired involvement. If individual conversation with strangers is difficult for you (or you simply can't find common ground), try introducing them to your circle of friends while you get a drink or use the restroom. There’s always a small risk that it may lead to some awkward moments, but there’s also a very good chance you’re helping someone get a foot in the door to make connections that will help them understand themself better. You don’t have to like every person you meet, but giving every willing and well-intentioned person you meet access to your community means they can eventually always have someone to help them grow, even if you can't at the time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

National Coming Out Day

It’s National Coming Out Day, the only holiday I can think of that celebrates sex without actually sexualizing individuals.

Unlike most people, I never had a proper coming out story. I knew I was gay by the time kids were talking about sex, so there wasn’t really much a period where I felt the need to hide my orientation. I was bullied for a short while before realizing it myself, but due to moving frequently I never had to redefine myself by coming out. With family there was never a cathartic “Guys, I’m gay,” just a quiet understanding born from repeated, careless failures to clear browser history. The closest experience I’ve had to coming out is recently acknowledging my pup side, and that is definitely not a fair parallel to draw.

I’m a gay, poly-minded man who’s a bondage freak, gear enthusiast, sadist, and pup. The greatest source of privilege I have does not stem from my race or my gender, but the overwhelming warmth and acceptance I have chanced into, continually, in finding people who do not judge me for those aspects of my identity. I cannot fathom what it would be like to live without that warmth - lacking the support to do something as simple as being yourself - so I surely lack understanding of the struggles encountered by those not yet out.

It takes strength to be yourself in a culture that celebrates conformity, a strength I try to instill in every person I meet by showing them their aberrance is not only acceptable but should be celebrated. Coming out isn’t just about sexual orientation: it’s about unapologetically being your whole self, whatever that might be. The more of yourself you allow to be seen, the more you find people in dire need of validation that will allow them to stop suppressing parts of themselves. The more you open up, the more you find out there are people who feel just like you. For every person willing to be a new data point in the examples that lead to bias, the more difficult it becomes to believe a stereotype and the less likely people are to see stigma in labels. The less afraid of labels people are, the more intuitively they understand that attributing stigma to a label is inherently flawed and wrong.

I would never judge or demean someone who is unable to come out or isn’t yet ready to, but it is important to remember that there is more to this equation than controlling one’s own image. The more reluctant you are to share something about yourself, the greater the need is for you to do just that. If we can’t show people we’re comfortable with ourselves, how can we expect them to be comfortable with us?

That being said, if there’s something that you have trouble admitting, today is the best possible opportunity to make it public. Come on in: the water’s fine and you’re fucking amazing! And no, I won't apologize for the mixed metaphor.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Sci-Fur Artwork

I don't fancy myself a fur, but it's definitely a community I enjoy being around. They have an absurd amount of amazing artists within their community, and I love some of the ideas they express through their art. Some of the art they put out is just pervy antrho pieces of fursonas fucking, but every once in a while I'll stumble across some work that get me harder than a photo of a human restrained ever will. Unfortunately my collection is rather small since I'm incredibly unorganized, and I'd definitely welcome any additions similar to these to my collection.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Hypno-Pup Fantasy

Lately I’ve been toying around with some hypno ideas that relate to pup play. The end goal is basically to be susceptible enough that I can neither resist being put into headspace nor remove myself from it on my own once there; to try to fight it and end up losing. Hypno might not be as powerful as a lot of people are led to believe, but it can definitely lay bare some deeply-rooted desires and instill some fairly strong inclinations. Given that I enjoy pup headspace immensely once there, I imagine stoking that fire could produce some interesting results.

Pup play for me is kind of the opposite of how I approach pain play. With pain play there is little direct enjoyment, but I derive a great deal of pleasure from the resulting dynamic. When it comes to pup play, I enjoy the fuck out of the headspace when I can find it but would rather be myself in most situations. Amping up compulsions to where I actively have to (or literally can’t) fight being thrown into headspace is pretty hot and dehumanizing, especially since it could completely neuter my notedly fiery nature. A friend jokingly commented that if the triggers become strong enough it could feasibly end any argument I’m involved in. Truth be told I’d actually love for the triggers to be so deeply-ingrained I could be forced from a heated argument to a pup begging pitifully for belly rubs.

I had a visual of how I expected things to develop: essentially feeling like being hooded is locking my human side in a cell. I could see myself begging with my eyes for the hood not to go on because I was enjoying the social setting, but otherwise being frozen and unable to stop it, feeling my thoughts dull as the hood is secured. I could see that “Please, no?” look washing away as I get scritches, falling to all fours - unconsciously wagging and probably barking for more when they stop. Then just completely gone for an hour or two without a thought or word, just a series of feelings and impulses and heartfelt barks.

A friend sent me a story based on some fairly intense hypno control that reflects a similar compulsion for an unwilling person to become a pup. Enjoying it as thoroughly as I did I figured it begged sharing. Kudos to Hypnoslave-boy on Tumblr for the story.

Friday, September 30, 2016

Language Restrictions

One of the kinky endeavors I have scoffed at the longest is noun replacement (SIR/pup/it, etc) or similar language restrictions. I always try to understand any fetish I am exposed to, but this one never clicked until it was kind of thrust upon me. Any time I’d encounter it I’d think “You seriously believe saying a word will magically make me submissive towards you?” and I couldn’t make myself regard it as anything but utterly trite. Part of the problem was it initially seemed to be exclusive to traditional Sir/boy dynamics - the thought of which turned me off to for years. It’s likely this bled into my view of speech-based protocol, and I simply couldn’t see past the negativity I had been subjected to as I began exploring submission. While this feeling eventually diminished as I became more immersed in the culture, it still left me with the impression that this protocol was simply to suit the Sir’s ego and not to benefit both the Sir and boy. I’m happy to admit I was unequivocally wrong.

Speech is a fairly instinctive process for most people - at least as it relates to conversation - and as such the mechanics behind sentence structure are not given much thought. We all have our own dialects and colloquialisms that are deeply ingrained in our psyche, and for the most part we seldom have to focus intently on what we want to say. Since so much of this is rooted in routine, it can be very difficult to be consciously aware of the process of converting our thoughts to words. Try to get a southerner to stop saying “y’all” instinctively or a midwesterner to switch from saying “pop” to “soda” and watch how long they struggle.

Some time ago my Sir threw out the idea of requiring that I refer to myself as ‘pup’ and ‘it’ when speaking to Him. The dynamic had been going really well and, although I had absolutely no interest in it, I agreed to these restrictions on a trial basis because pleasing Him is a priority. Being a long-distance dynamic, punishment for failures was a bit difficult to enforce so I ended up frustrated to the point where it turned into a fairly significant fight and I wanted to stop. As I tried to adapt to the new manner of speaking, I was finding it more difficult to communicate effectively since I couldn’t speak naturally and it would disrupt my thought process. It was ruining my ability to speak eloquently and was whittling away at my ability to be persuasive, so naturally it was infuriating. I was furious over something as simple as changing a few words because, deep down, I think I knew what it was doing to me. Eventually, my ego let go and I adapted to the language change - after all,what right did I have to protest such a simple expectation?

As things progressed, I noticed that the changes to how I would speak to Sir were slowly becoming more significant; the language became simpler, conjunctions and determiners started to disappear, and these restrictions became more compulsive and less labored. By the time I had realized this was happening, it had also yielded simpler thoughts since the language I was being required to use couldn’t possibly suit complicated thoughts. Things like concepts and ideas became less-suited for the discussions, and instead were replaced with compulsions and reactions. What started happening was I began slipping into a headspace I didn’t even know I could access; communication with Sir as my normal, human self was becoming less and less feasible. Eventually I was doing pushups and randomly thought “PUP. WILL. BE. BIG. PUP.” with a rompy thought sneaking out each rep. I was ready to pounce someone .. I didn’t even know I could want to pounce someone. Somehow the speech restrictions had transitioned from just placating Sir to literally changing my internal thoughts independent of His involvement. It sure as hell caught me off-guard, and I thought it was hot that He’d somehow managed to influence my thoughts without needing to lift a finger or even be present.

Most people have heard of the repeated studies that demonstrate “if you smile more often you’ll be happier.” While there are a large amount of variables that may skew the validity of this sentiment (smiling nets better treatment from others, for instance), the foundation is that mental states and thought processes can be built from the ground-up. When you have a solid behavioral foundation that impacts a large number of actions, naturally its influence will steadily branch out. We’re creatures of habit and, given how difficult it is to override our speech patterns, forcing someone to speak a specific way can actually alter their thought process the same way forcing a smile can potentially make you happier. If you remove someone’s ability to express themselves through speech, you can undermine their ability to even have those thoughts while in headspace.

It can take a good bit of familiarity with a sub and a very calculated ramp-up, but if done right it can yield a very strong dynamic. If the goal of speech restriction is dehumanization, simply having someone speak in exactly the same manner with different pronouns may not be enough. Additionally, if someone is particularly embarrassed or irked about the restrictions, they may simply try to structure their sentences to avoid using the words for which replacement is required; “How are you?” might change to “What’s going on today?” rather than “How is Sir?” for instance. Egos are sneaky, and they’re going to try and find ways around protocol if there is some internal motivation to do so.

If you plan on engaging in this sort of play as a Dom, think of it this way: every headspace is almost like a different person. A headspace drastically changes how an individual would respond to a myriad of situations; the same person subbing as a boy will behave very differently if subbing as a pup. As you work on cultivating a headspace in an individual, think about how this should be manifesting in the interaction. How someone says something is a great way to see into their head; anyone who’s ever worked retail understands the difference tone can make. Pup headspace is an easy example since, naturally, a pup should have fairly simple thoughts. If the pup’s manner of speaking isn’t direct and to the point, odds are you could work on deepening their headspace by further restricting their speech in a way that strips their human thoughts away even more so. If his speech is filled with words that give context and flavor and thoughtfulness, rob him of his ability to use such thinky words and sentences. With enough work, you can rip away the eloquent thoughts of a writer and reduce him to a dog that can only turn its mind on its immediate needs. 

pup wants to play now, k?

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Intense Abuse Porn

Someone gave me a link to this vid trying to describe how brutal they were willing to be when it comes to abuse. Needless to say my interest was piqued; this guy's put through tougher paces than I think I could endure. Absolutely love that the tops really are completely unmoved. The guy said that the studio was shut down for the vids being too intense, but I'm definitely still a fan.

My personal favorite part starts around 14 min in. Enjoy.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Dick's Fapository - Dehumanization Edition (Part 2)

The second half of the dehumanization fantasies! These are more based on degradation aside from pain from a more psychological approach.

Clothes are for People:
Kept naked and in chastity through entire scene, ideally with belongings locked away. Either out of punishment or pure sadism end up forced into potentially public setting still naked. Could be having to stand in hallway outside door for several minutes, taken to car naked and getting driven home nude, etc. anything that makes nudity a panic-inducing condition is fair game.

Forced Piss Pig:
Duct tape over eyes, dental gag holding mouth open, either bolted to the floor using pipe fittings or anything with head as thoroughly immobilized. Forced to suck cock and eventually pissed on while unable to even turn head away or close mouth.

Good Puppy:
End up in a public situation with a shock collar on for basic protocol (arms behind back, kneeling next to Dom, etc.). Instead guy ends up using it to force pup posture, barking, and tricks. Handler increasingly raises bar for expectation of behavior, eventually shocking even for things like noticing attentiveness to conversation (dogs can’t eavesdrop). Also shocks for failure to exhibit believable excitement when others give scritches or request tricks, and must be pup to everyone.

Just a Toy:
Over a long-term or weekend scene, a hood is locked on before removing restraints. Once released (or while being released) hands mitted and locked behind back and legs shackled as well as re-applying electro contacts if necessary. Led to cage and aggressively forced in before it is locked. Tape applied around electro contacts and box inputs to prevent any potential for removal. Throat mic is put back on to ensure inability to yell for help or similar unless it is an emergency. Once rested, captor returns with obvious intent to inflict more pain.

No Rest For the Wicked:
Hood is locked on and chain/collar is run to ceiling hook above toilet. Arms remain free but legs are chained of tied to base of toilet. Additionally, thin rope run from balls under seat and secured to base of toilet to prevent standing. Potentially good opportunity for forced enemas, could simply cuff arms behind back or to chain collar to keep out of way.

Proper Foot Bitch:
Naked and in chastity w/ shock collar and pinch collar at a party. Hands cuffed in front (for rubbing feet) and legs shackled with no limits to pain that can be inflicted for disobedience. Not allowed make eye contact or to speak unless being instructed to ask permission to service feet. Needs at least one designated person to trigger remote if eye contact is made or in the event of verbalizing. Any reluctance to either worship or request permission that the collar can’t enforce results in being pinned down by as many guys as necessary with heavy face slapping, gut punching, spanking, etc. or choking to cut off screaming or protesting.

Remote-Controlled Service:
Forced foot worship scene while mitted using shock collar to encourage eager licking. Guy gets good enough to force licking so eagerly it’s hard to keep up, then puts a pinch collar on. Proceeds to use shock collar for forced cock worship and getting fucked instead of foot worship. Eventually likely to protest or try to resist shocks, and pinch collar is there to constrict and induce panic that preoccupies mitts as they uselessly paw at the collar.

Friday, September 23, 2016


Recently I had a discussion where a Dom was describing a scene he felt involved a potentially questionable breach of consent. A boy he was playing with requested he be allowed to suck him off mid-scene, and the Dom was happy to oblige. When the scene had concluded the boy texted him after leaving, indicating that he had never intended to swallow the resulting load. After a bit more prodding, the Dom I was speaking with confirmed that at no point did the boy protest being made to do so. Personally I feel that this Dom did nothing wrong, but when you add new activities within a scene based on either party changing what they want at that time this is always a risk. There are ways to preemptively reduce such a possibility, but it takes an awareness of what changes are apt to occur within a given scene.

My hard limits list is rather extensive and thought through; I have the experience to understand what is and is not something I can accommodate as well as the experience to know what is relevant in most situations. That being said, there are still soft limits that I may place for a specific scene that, in the heat of submission, I may expressly request once things going. For instance, as averse to anal sex as I am there have been scenes where I’ve asked to get fucked once the scene got going. Regardless of experience level sometimes the chemistry is better or the scene hotter than expected, and these limits may cease to be prohibited as things develop.

When starting out in kink, it is the most likely time to find yourself in situations that are unpredictably hot. Everything is fresh and new and you have nothing to use to estimate how you'll feel about an unfamiliar situation. At this point in one’s experience, it is naturally very unlikely to know what potentials exist that could result from a change of heart. This makes discussing limits based these potentials impossible, while potentially causing problems as it did in the scene I was discussing with this Dom. Any Dom has a responsibility to try and steer discussions to touch base on anything he has in mind, even if the activities are not planned as a guaranteed part of the scene.

Here are a few starters that are surprisingly easy to overlook when players are more focused on growing their BDSM side than their sexual side. This could range from a D/s scene primarily around objectification and boot worship to a bondage scene meant to only involve edging.

  • Is oral sex permissible?
    • Giving, receiving, or both?
    • Under what conditions?
  • Is anal penetration permissible?
    • What implements or toys?
    • Anal sex?
      • Penetrative, receptive, or both?
      • With what protection (if any)?
      • Under what conditions?
  • Is fluid exchange permissible?
    • Which fluids?
    • Through what acts (e.g: pissing in mouth but not ass)?
  • Is pain play permissible?
    • To what level of intensity (e.g: only okay if still hard)?
      • Is a safeword necessary?
    • Are marks acceptable?
      • In what location(s)?
    • Are any types of pain or areas of impact off-limits (e.g: no CBT/TT but spanking okay)?
    • What implements or tools are acceptable?
  • Do you have any physical limitations for service or bondage?

The vast majority of people engaging in BDSM will be interested in a level of sexual encounter and/or pain play to some extent, however minimal. As such, these are important things to touch base on as “what if’s, unless already specified as limits. Even assuming interest in these common items is an unfair presumption, so it is important to clarify if you plan on trying to maximize the flexibility of a scene. Anything beyond this list is substantially more individualized and should be specifically addressed prior to trying it in a scene.

It can seem a bit daunting to feel like you need to discuss literally every fetish with a person (there are checklists for this if you want to go that route), but a lot of things will naturally rule themselves out. For instance, if your scene is simply supposed to be having someone tied spread-eagle to your bed, presumably you wouldn’t need to discuss watersports (assuming you want a clean bed), suspension, or public nudity. Keep in mind where your interests in a partner lie and - even if the possibility is miniscule - be sure to isolate and discuss any specific interests that could be feasible to explore, even if they may not be the focus of the scene.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Dick's Fapository - Dehumanization Edition (Part 1)

These scenes aim to remove any consideration someone would normally give an equal. The goal is to very clearly establish that the sub’s enjoyment is immaterial and they are simply a tool to be used for another’s pleasure, amusement, or benefit. While the dynamic outside of the scene (or between scenes) can be very affectionate, these require a great deal of compartmentalization to diminish the sub to where they are nothing. The first half if this set is more oriented towards scenes pertaining to my recent "Dehumanization Through Pain" post.

After any heavy abuse scene, only released partially (to prevent escape) while transitioning to handcuffs behind back and leg irons. Collar/neck locked to eye-bolt in floor by chain so head can’t be picked up more than an inch or two. Potentially pissed on whether exclusively in face or all over, but no matter what left alone for a while without so much as a “You did well, boy.”

Confusion Embodied:
Scene with a Dom who is bilingual. High protocol with all instructions in language that is not understood. Very severe implements used like stun guns and cattle prods, with absolutely no sympathy for failure to understand commands.

Heavy hood locked on along with mitts and soft ankle restraints as well as shock collar. Unrestrained pain play from face-slapping to chest punching to forceful meat-grabbing. Occasional protocol requests regarding body placement (arms behind back, hands behind head, legs spread, etc.), and periodically thrown to ground for trampling. Misbehavior met with ever-increasing intensity like foot on neck or stepping on wrists while chest is slapped. Shock collar reserved exclusively to prevent vocalizing or verbally protesting. Could lead to aggressive hole claiming or could also include multiple Doms.

Sir is Unmoved by Your Plight:
Handcuffed and shackled with chains locked together. Pinch collar around neck and shock collar on balls without chastity so cock is free to be abused. Given instructions to look at boots, feet, or similar fixed point that requires keeping head down. Could also have balls tied with loose rope end so it can be stepped on to force crouch and keep legs spread, or nipple forceps with a chain so can be yanked to floor by nipples instead of neck. Face slapped, cock slapped (ideally with hard implement like thin paddle), and thighs slapped with balls getting shocked any time eyes are not where they are supposed to be. If cannot calm down anger, can be pulled to ground and head or neck stepped on or otherwise held down while shocking balls as much as necessary to get the point across. If anger is still present when face-slapping resumes, thrown back to floor for a repeat.

Think Twice:
Fuck up somehow like trying to escape or getting too stubborn. Chain locked around neck or to collar, dragged upward and aggressively so constant pressure is on neck and almost having to walk on tip-toes. Led under eye-bolt, chain locked taut enough that constant pressure is still on neck even when standing on toes. Arms restrained and pulled either up towards shoulders or away from body. Ass, thighs, balls, chest, or anything reachable ruthlessly beat at least to tears. Could add additional torture methods like throwing a bucket of ice water or spikes under feet, or introducing other implements like stun gun or cattle prod.

Worthless Meat:
Standing predicament bondage position with heavy hood locked on; legs separated by spreader bar, arms behind back tied to ceiling, balls tied to spreader bar to force a deep crouch. Nipple clamps or forceps added, then ass and thighs either heavily paddled, belted, or similarly brutalized as well as heavy CBT. When legs cannot tolerate standing any longer, either fucked or forced to take a dildo/plug.