Thursday, January 31, 2013

Where You Belong

Cultivating an atmosphere of subjugation in a scene is incredibly important to me. Whether it's using humiliation to drill into a boy's head that he's below you (see my Types of Humiliation post) or ensuring that the playspace is distraction-free and conducive to play, atmosphere is a significant part of the equation. Physical positioning is always an easy, subtle way to do this; a collar chained so a boy can't stand, tying a boy so he's stuck laying on the floor, requiring a boy to kneel with his head down, etc. Being lower will always put you at a physical disadvantage, and when you find a boot on your neck as you try to sit up from the floor the fact you're in an inferior position is pretty strong.

Usually I try not to read into many photos that don't involve bondage, but every now and then there are a few photos which just scream "This is where you belong, boy." Whether or not that was the intent of the photo I can't say, but holy hell I'd love to be where the camera was in any of those photos.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Importance of Timing

For people who are unfamiliar with the effects of operant conditioning, understanding how paramount timing is can be difficult. We live as humans where much of our culture is based on punishment which occurs after the fact. The difference between immediate ramifications and delayed ramifications is that one elicits an emotional response, and the other is a logical construct.

Now, think about the following two situations. If it's been too long since you've done either then go ahead and try again so you can feel what I'm talking about.

Think back to the last time you were at a party and got there late. They had a cooler stocked with beer and soda, and almost all the beer was gone. You reach into the cooler trying to find one and don't have any luck, so you keep digging. Your hand ends up getting cold enough that it hurts so you pull it out, wait a few seconds and go back to digging. Did you hesitate as you went in to dig deeper, or did you still put your hand back in without a second thought knowing full well that it might hurt pretty bad again?

Everyone at some point in their life should have had a rubber band snap or break on them and sting like hell. We learn pretty quickly to test the tensile strength of rubber bands before trying to stretch them too far. So what do you feel as you stretch one to its peak? Do you feel that little twang of fear from being stung in the past? If not, try finding a rubber band and snapping it onto your skin ("spider bites" we used to call them) a few times and see if you start feeling that twinge of dread after a few stings. If that doesn't work, try licking a 9-volt battery, or touching a really hot (but safely so!) plate, or if you're fortunate enough to have a TENS unit, try pressing the button to turn it on while it's on a high setting and wired to someplace where the shock will be jarring. The fact is that once you experience that immediate response, you should feel a palpable reluctance to do it again.

Those scenarios might not work for pain pigs, but hopefully the following explanation will help draw the same conclusion. In both scenarios some kind of negative stimulus is both present and of a similar level of intensity. The difference between the two is that in the case of the instant response your brain is more prone to see the action and effect as the same instance since they occurred simultaneously (or close to it). When the timing is not precise, your mind is able to isolate the action and its effect as different incidences since they occupy different places in time. The result is that you logically know the incidences are related but don't have the emotional response of deliberately doing something that you know has a definite, negative component. This leaves all sorts of things open, such as a boy hoping that he'll catch a break, or thinking he can otherwise mitigate the punishment he deserves.

As an example of this approach, think of it as it can apply to speech. In my “Control is Best When Stolen” stories (Day 1 especially), you can see the Dom use this methodology. If you punish a boy for speaking after the fact, he'll learn that he can at least get a sentence out if he's feeling overwhelmed. This leaves him with some degree of power in that if he's annoyed or angry about something he can still spit out a sentence laden with hostility to express himself. If instead the boy is corrected immediately as he manages to blurt out a single syllable, he'll become aware that speech is pain. When he finds he is "afraid" to express himself, the annoyance or anger he feels will quickly become replaced with a systemic feeling of helplessness.

I should also note that of course punishment can also be hot, but I personally feel it's only a valuable tool once the boy has lost hope in your capacity for mercy. Using corrections prior to punishment can get him to that mindset, so that when he realizes he's done something wrong his innate hope will be crushed and replaced with panic driven by the knowledge of what's to come.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Chastity in Bondage

As a sub, it's pretty easy to get fixated on your cock. It's pretty hard to do better than the direct pleasure of being stroked. For me, being locked in chastity helps me focus on deriving pleasure from other things in a scene. It's not just that you feel even more controlled in that it's clearly not about making you feel good, it's that it forces your brain to make other connections to derive pleasure. If I'm locked in chastity while tied, just hearing a guy stroke himself while he does mean things to me is pleasurable.

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Top Saga

I posted a bit back about topping more often lately, and since then it's been becoming an even more common occurrence. For some reason a few intense bottoms have been coming out of the woodworks; the kind of sub where I don't have to hold back my sadistic side. I really need to polish up my ropework skills since I've never Domed frequently enough for most of what I've learned to be like riding a bike. I've had a photo or two on my Recon / GearFetish profiles of my work as a top, but I figured I'd share some examples here for easy access.  The guy in the first and last photo is ADHsub. He's been my go-to ropework dummy for many years. The guy in the middle having his balls slapped as I grin wickedly is the notorious RubberFreak; check out his blog here. If this trend continues, I may have more photos and possibly some video in the near future. Stay tuned!

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Xtube Saturday

The last two guys I tied up I was incredibly nice to, which is very unlike me. Fortunately both of them were pretty ticklish so I had something to distract me from wanting to slap their balls or put on some harsh nipple clamps or find some other way to make them holler. I usually like vocalization better than struggling but every now and then there's a guy who's fairly quiet like, the one in the vid below, which still gets me going. Not to mention drives me to persist a bit more on the off chance they'll actually give in and let out some fun noises.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Weekend Wishlist - Celebrity Edition

I've never really been the sort to give in to celebrity worship, and I always roll my eyes when I overhear people talking about who's dating or who broke up or whose boyfriend cheated on her. Even so, there's a definite sense of "power" when someone commands that sort of publicity. Seeing a hot dude who turns out to have hot feet on the screen just makes me want to drop to the floor and start licking. I doubt I'd be that lucky, but who knows.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Basic Ties

Every now and then it's refreshing to go back to the basics with a nice, simple tie. When you get used to heavier and heavier bondage, sometimes it's easy to forget the appeal of simply having your arms restrained overhead or being stuck on the floor with your legs taped together. Lately I've been wanting to do more electro so I've been tying myself up with the Erostek 312 box set to ramp-up wired under my chastity. Really making me nostalgic about when I used to tie myself up to my bunkbed as a kid, but obviously with an extra-fun twist.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Levels of Trust

I find it vexing that some people can't seem quantify trust simply because there's only one word for it. Of course there's no continuum or universal scale, but there are at least "ballparks" that indicate thresholds of trust; trusting someone to watch your dog while you're on vacation and trusting someone with your power of attorney are clearly different. Most people have some implicit understanding to a degree, but we still only have the one word, "trust," making it difficult to communicate. It's important to be very aware of these thresholds - despite the fact they lack words to represent them - so as to mitigate empowering someone undeserving. No one's perfect, but you can learn something from almost anybody; knowing where someone stands trust-wise ensures you ask the right things of the right people.

Trust in Sanity -
I suppose you could also call this "Trust in Basic Human Decency." This is the basic litmus test probably applied to every single person you've chatted with online or considered playing with. At this point if you're transitioning from vanilla sex, you might let a guy tie you up and fuck you but maybe not spank you or otherwise push you. Essentially, it's simply trusting that he'll keep his word and not overstep any terms you agree to. I usually equate this with trusting that a guy is also a safe, responsible player, but some people may not have the naive outlook I do and instead approach them separately.

Trust in Competence -
Everyone has different levels of experience, and it's important to be aware of both your own and your play partner's. Unfortunately, not everyone is aware of their level of experience and will sometimes overstate it, even claiming to be into things they've never even experienced. More often than not it's the guys who are mostly interested in fucking since they're just trying to bait you however they can to get in a quick screw. At this point you should be able to have scenes with your limits being pushed, but in a directed way; maybe increasing your flogging tolerance with a competent guy who doesn't happen to be as aggressive as you'd like with other activities.

Trust in Chemistry -
When you feel compelled to continue chatting with a guy to play, there's a perceived chemistry that may or may not exist in reality. Now you've either discussed enough or played enough that you both have a pretty extensive understanding of each other's interests, and there's significant overlap - whether it's just a myriad of interests in common or the fact you both like a scene to have the same atmosphere. Someone at this level would likely be able to write out a scene play-by-play that is notably similar to your fantasies or goals without you giving further input. Because of the similarities, this is when you might stop trying to limit activities in a scene. Instead of setting up a flogging scene you might just go to the guy's house just expecting to be dominated, but requesting a few things knowing that it is only a request and not a condition.

Absolute Trust -
To sum it up: negotiations are over now. This is when a D/s dynamic is really solidified. You know the guy can reliably give you what you need - not just want - so making requests is no longer necessary. Requests might still arise sporadically, but more likely in casual discussions between scenes rather than as specific reasons for wanting to have a scene. The sub will likely still retain some hard limits, but at this point the goal is to give the Dom as much freedom as possible. It's common to hear "The sub is always the one in control," but it's at this level of trust where that line is blurred almost unrecognizably.

It's paramount keep in mind that things can easily look good on paper; if they didn't, it's unlikely you would continue discussing a scene with a given person. Each Dom is going to have an expectation that a sub trust him to a certain degree, and some might even require a sub immediately trust him absolutely from the get-go. Look at what the Dom is expecting from you and compare it to where he falls in how you trust him. If you're feeling uneasy about meeting a guy, there's a fair chance that it's because you're being asked to trust more than you're comfortable with. In that case, try and steer the discussion towards a scene which more closely reflects your level of trust, with whatever restrictions in place will make you comfortable.

Having lived in a small-ish city before, I know that as a sub it's easy to feel a pressured to make every Dom you find be a feasible play partner. If he isn't, you might not know when you can find play next. Personally, I believe a good Dom who truly wants to connect with a sub should have great patience and a willingness to slowly sculpt a boy. While it's certainly hot to have a "my way or the highway" type Dom, it's not always pragmatic when you're just beginning to discover yourself as a sub. If you find a Dom who won't exemplify patience, I highly suggest you do so in his stead and wait for someone who has more respect for you.

From a Reader

Occasionally I get quick emails from folks saying "nice blog," etc which is always nice - it always puts a smile on my face - but today I received an email that quite frankly made my day:

"I've thanked you for your blog but I felt guilty about how little effort I'd put into it, so I had to elaborate a little. I'm sure you get tons of messages, so I'll try to be brief: Thank you very much for writing your blog. I've never found a BDSM blog which I can truly identify with like yours before, and your skill in writing about them makes every post a joy to read.

I always felt a little alone about my BDSM identity, since I never found a Dom who truly "got" this (long story, but it's difficult for me to try lots of people because I have to think about discretion). It always felt like I was trapped between two chairs; the cheap porn film-style theatrical but hollow kink, and the people who seemed to offer what I want but just didn't seem very sane.

In a way, you've made me much more confident because you've been able to so wonderfully put it into writing your reflections around a process I'm going through, too - but from the vantage point of someone way further up that hill (and in an environment where you've been way freer to experiment). It's given me some great new angles to see this stuff from when trying to figure out what I really like about this. It's intelligent and manages to be free of the theatrics that I sometimes thought were inexorably linked to the more serious stuff.

If you're ever in [town] I'd love to grab a beer with you - and if I ever find myself in Illinois maybe we could do the same."

He also went on to say that some of the writing had made him consider the other side of the equation as well, which is always a plus in my books; the more Doms the merrier! At any rate, it's always good to hear of guys who are making progress in their kinky development and becoming confident with who they are.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Caged CBT

A few months back, colobondageboy sent me a video of him tied in a cage. Immediately after watching it, it became one of my all-time favorite vids. Everything about it strikes a special chord with me: ankles and knees being strapped to the sides of the cage leaving his balls 100% vulnerable, hot-ass straightjacket, and heavy hood which is tied to the top of the cage to keep him from bending over to protect himself with his arms. This video alone is enough to make me want to get a cage. Needless to say I lost count of how many times I jerked off to this vid within a week or two of him sending it. I had the good fortune to bump into him at MAL and was given permission to share the video here. I'm sure many of you will enjoy it as much as I have.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Pup Play

A lot of my friends get really into pup play, and it's a big enough thing that most major events have a demo for it. Here in Chicago we have Chicago Puppy Patrol, and there are even competitions for pups and handlers just as there are for leathermen and Sirs/boys. Point being, it's something present enough in the fetish community that even some vanilla boys are aware of it.

Though the gear is incredibly hot to me, I've never really had an interest in entering a pup headspace. The hoods and muzzles are absolutely adorable in a sexy way since they really showcase a boy's eyes, the fist mitts are awesome for gaining an edge on an unruly boy, and the tails are amazing. Despite my lack of interest in pupping out, a guy I've been chatting with apparently loves being a handler. He's assured me that if I visit him, I'm going to spend a considerable portion of the trip at least bound in pup-like positions, if not actually acting like a pup. Knowing how he can get into my head, I'm pretty aware of the fact he'd be perfectly capable of forcing me to be a pup. I'm not gonna lie: I think it's a hot concept. At any rate, he's been sending me pics to tease me and remind me of how the weekend will play out. Here's a few he'd sent me mixed in with a few from my archives since I love the gear.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Alex Minsky

There was a photo of this guy that made the rounds on Tumblr and Facebook (the first one below) and I was absolutely captivated. Not only does he have an amazing physique, beautiful tattoos, and a charming smile, he seems to be a pretty cool guy based on his FB fan page. In the first picture, I was so stunned by how gorgeous he is that I didn't even notice he was an amputee. The next thing that crossed my mind was his tattoos, and that they seemed to encompass his entire body .. and that some of it was missing.

A lot of people only get tattoos for aesthetic reasons, but a good number of people get deeply meaningful tattoos. Some for lost loved ones, others for pets, I even knew a guy who did 100 mile runs  (yes, 100) and would get a tattoo for each successfully completed one. When you get a tattoo like that, it's something meaningful becoming a part of you forever. Except in instances like amputation that could rob you of something immeasurably important. At that point you're not just losing a limb, you're losing a piece of art, and a symbol you cared deeply enough to essentially carve into your body. I can't help but wonder if what he drew on his prosthetic foot (last photo) is what was originally tattooed on that foot.

At any rate, it was an interesting thought which had never even crossed my mind until I saw that pic. On top of that he is seriously one of the most beautiful men on the planet, so here are some photos courtesy of his FaceBook page - and of course the respective photographers.

Oh, and in case you don't notice on your own: this dude's so hardcore he has a tattoo in his fucking armpit.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Weekend Wishlist

Needing some aggression this weekend. Though with the chastity having me as horny as I am, I'm sure the right gesture would throw me into sub mode. Or my kryptonite; a hand at the back of my neck.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Lately I've been thinking a lot about playcations. Specifically ones where instead of a boy I'm more of a slave or a captive; no rights, my enjoyment is immaterial, and no escape. It's a hot concept but in terms of logistics it can get rather complicated; there's eating, bathroom time, and the fact that Doms need rest too. With the right space, a lot of the weekend can just be a boy left chained somewhere with remote supervision. There's also tons of humiliation possibilities that can come into play like leaving a boy chained to a cement floor until he pisses himself, or hosting a party where the captive boy is naked and hooded just as a conversation piece. The real kicker for me is that you have no opportunity to humanize yourself; no conversations over dinner to find common ground, no discussions about what is working and what isn't, no asserting that you've had too much and need to take it easy for a bit. You're just left with the knowledge that the second you set foot on that plane, you don't get to change your mind about anything for a long time.