Monday, January 7, 2013

Try it 'Til You Like It

Originally I came up with “Try it ‘til you like it” in response to variations of “I’ll try anything once.” It’s a terribly cliché sentiment so I’ve had some guys try to distinguish themselves as being more earnest by changing it to “once or twice.” Given my relentless pursuit of pain play despite not deriving any pleasure from pain (as masochists do), I decided neither was good enough to display my willingness to explore. And so I began scoffing at the traditional statement and saying instead, “I’ll try anything until I like it.”

It sounds hyperbolic and of course the “anything” part is, as with the original statement, but the fact is I’ve had the same hard limits for at least 5 years or so. I couldn’t even begin to count how many things I’ve learned I detest since adopting those limits, and yet still haven’t added a single item to the list. Of course I vet my Doms to make sure some of our interests are in alignment, but out of respect for the dynamic I feel it’s my responsibility as a sub to put as few unwavering restrictions on a Dom as possible.

And so here I am, more than a year into blogging, and I haven’t taken the time to directly explain how such a simple philosophy has impacted me. It’s been alluded to periodically, but I think it’s a concept better explained by personal progression.

When I first started getting into bondage sexually, I was so limited I’d only let guys tie, tickle, and edge me. No joke, I was really that limited. But I was young and had a twinkish physique – which I always HATED, vehemently – and there were always twink-chasers willing to do what I wanted. It was a copout, but for a while I was happy with it; it was fun, and I had no reason to compromise. Even though I hated how I looked, I still realized it was a valuable tool and commodity which enabled my unwillingness.

Eventually I started wanting heavier and heavier bondage, and all I could find was guys with more serious/intense interests. Suddenly the shoe was on the other foot; instead of being able to drag along guys using my physique, I had qualified bondage tops able to drag me around with their skill. I was learning really fast that I wanted their skill more than they wanted me due to my stubbornness.

At some point I met a guy who ended up tying me standing, hooded with my head tied to the ceiling, arms in a wrist-to-shoulder restraint, and legs held apart with a spreader bar. We’d talked about some electro play but at the time I was a little too squeamish, and instead he just ended up playing with some clothespins and doing some light spanking. Much to my surprise, I was so content in my restraint that my lack of enjoyment in the light pain didn’t matter. I still had an excellent time, and learned that a little pain was apparently not the end of the world. Shortly after this, I had two very similar scenes within a few days of each other. In both scenes I was mummified and tied to the bed, edged significantly, and my balls were slapped periodically. The main difference going into each scene was that in one scene I thought the guy was outrageously hot and in the other he was just an average-looking guy. What was surprising about this at the time was that the first scene with the less attractive guy was actually WAY hotter. Why? Chemistry. Whether it’s atmosphere, attitude, even just the way a guy handles your cock, any one aspect can make a palpable difference to the scene.

There are two directly contrary experience every kinkster should eventually be familiar with: jerking off or fantasizing about something for months (or years) only to find it unappealing as it happens, and being averse to the thought of something only to find it getting you rock hard as it happens. Of course the former is more likely to happen, but the latter is one of the coolest things you can possibly experience - but that's beside the point. What's important is, for instance, what if those scenes had been reversed; if the unpleasant scene had happened before the good one? If I were grow apprehensive of CBT from the scene that didn't quite work out, I would have missed out on the other incredibly hot scene.

I really suppose it all goes back to trust; finding a Dom whose judgment you trust. I’m a firm believer that a scene doesn’t have to be 100% positive/pleasant for a sub; if that were the case, no one would ever get pushed. A good Dom will be able to find the right balance of pushing and pleasure, whether it’s him doing something the sub doesn’t necessarily enjoy for his own pleasure, or pushing a boy’s threshold for intensity.

In summation: you do not – nor will you ever, most likely – have an absolute understanding of everything that makes you tick. If there’s something you can feasibly tolerate that you don’t enjoy, man up and endure it; odds are there are several other aspects of the scene that’ll have your head soaring. If playing with a guy gets to the point where you’re not getting enough out of a scene because of the things you don’t like, either discuss more limitations or don’t play with him again. You’ll still live.

Now, I’m going to put my money where my mouth is and share a story I’ve actually never shared before. Not just shared as in on my blog, I haven’t shared it with anyone. As I’ve mentioned countless times, I’m not too keen on anal. I was visiting a guy for a playcation, and I had told him that I’d be okay with anal if I were so adequately restrained that I couldn’t move my ass. Shortly before he planned on making me regret saying that, he decided he wanted to clean me out. He put me in a set of metal stocks which kept my wrists level with my head, so I couldn’t stop him.  I think enemas are gross and I absolutely hate them and yet as he went to fill me up a third time and I whined dreadfully at having to endure the pressure again, I started to get hard. I felt the blood flowing and absolutely panicked because I knew he’d force me to endure much more just to taunt me if he noticed my erection. I can’t decide if it was fortunate or unfortunate, but I was able to will myself flaccid again and stay that way before he noticed. I’ve never forgotten it, and it was one of the biggest mindfucks I’ve ever experienced.

I guarantee there’s something equivalent for nearly every bottom/sub, just waiting to be excavated or found in the right circumstance. My “try it ‘til you like it” approach is just a way to ensure you don’t miss out on such an amazing experience as surprising yourself. I certainly think it’s worth the risk, and I bet after the first time you experience that surprise you’ll be inclined to agree.

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