Monday, December 31, 2012

A Thank You to My Readers

Ever since starting this blog, a part of me has wanted to make some attempt to "grow" it. After all, the larger the viewership the larger the impact. Right? Well, that's what I originally thought.

There are plenty of blogs out there that are really only blogs because they started before Tumblr was a thing. If they'd started a while later they'd be nothing more than a Tumblr account with photos being the only real content. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against it; without Tumblr and photo-heavy blogs I wouldn't have a tenth of the collection that I do. However, I think that there's enough strictly photo blogs already and wanted to offer something different.

Over the last few weeks the part of me saying "Expand, expand, EXPAND!" has been a little louder than normal. When things start to seem a bit stagnant, it's really hard for me to feel anyone is taking something even moderately valuable from this blog. I won't say it's a significant source of distress for me, but it's still always lingering at the back of my mind.

That being said, as I look back at the comments made here over the last year it's incredibly refreshing. When well over half the comments are either supportive of my few works of fiction, someone earnestly relating to a situation/concept, or someone relaying a situation where my writing was of some benefit to them, it really helps quiet down that bothersome part of me.

Though I'm loath to be any sappier than I've been already, I really want to thank all of you who read and listen instead of just wanking - especially those who've taken the time to give feedback in some form or another. I'm not perfect; I'm still human, and without your input I'm not sure how long I'd be able to convince myself that anyone gives a shit about or has benefited from my random ramblings.

I'm looking forward to writing for y'all in the upcoming year and I'm certainly looking forward to your continued input, feedback, and sharing. Be safe this New Year's Eve, and best of luck next year.


I'd planned on showcasing some amazing ropework, but as I was trying to choose photos to showcase I kept coming back to photos from the same top. Community is important to me, and one of the easiest ways to start seeing connections is when a top has very distinguishable work. When you look at a bottom's profile and can tell who they've played with, it really helps in determining who responsible tops are. On top of that, there's something amazing about finding yourself in a playspace featured in photos you've been jerking to for years.

At any rate, I've been a huge fan of LondonRopeTop's work for years. In addition to ropework he does some really interesting things with steel, whether it's fashioning them into stocks, a chair, a cage, etc, it's nothing short of art. In fact, it was his playspace that inspired me to buy Kee Clamps to make a bed out of pipes that I could easily customize. You can find more examples of his work on Recon, Twitter, and Tumblr.

Friday, December 28, 2012


If you couldn't tell by my "Control is Best When Stolen" stories - or really just from their title - the only thing hotter to me than giving up control is having your power taken away from you unexpectedly by someone you want to submit to. Most guys understand that submission requires a sub-related headspace to tolerate certain actions or to elicit a willingness to obey, so when you're caught off-guard and unable to reach that headspace first it puts you in an interesting predicament.

I'm not too experienced with 24/7 dynamics in my personal life, and at times it can be difficult for me to switch into a sub headspace. The "me" that exists normally is way too willful to be submissive which sometimes causes confusion due to the stark contrast. I think the unexpected taking of control can help bridge this gap; you're suddenly faced with a decision to either quickly enter a sub headspace and enjoy what's happening or remain your normal self and hate it. Even if it doesn't just function as a trigger, it's still a good way to bridge the gap from scene to normal life, something paramount for a 24/7 D/s dynamic. With that, here's some photos of guys being man-handled into submission to get you through the weekend.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Back to Bondage

Lately I've been fantasizing more about humiliation and power exchange, so I figured it's about time I get back to my roots and focus on some bondage. Speaking of, I could really use some right now even without D/s overtones.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Relationship Models

A few months ago a guy hit me up on Scruff having read some of my blog. He said he's always been curious about bondage and that in the recent past his interest in it had been increasing. Apparently he'd been monogamously coupled for the last five years, and recently breached the topic with his partner by asking to get tied up. Appalled, his partner said he wouldn't participate under any circumstances. So at this point he asked the next logical question: "So then can I try it with someone else?" and was also told no. Playing devil's advocate I can understand, for instance, someone with a history of abuse being unable to let their partner tie them up. But a man who refuses to try something with absolutely no personal emotional risk and won't allow other options? Personally, I wouldn't even entertain a friendship with someone that selfish, let alone a long-term relationship.

In some instances that dismissive of a response to a partner's sexual interests can be bordering on emotional abuse. At the very least it cultivates a very unhealthy air of superiority that is conducive to emotional abuse; being able to berate someone and treat him like a freak for confiding his sexual interests in you is some damn good fodder to that end. It's absolutely wrong, and it's something that happens far too often in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships.

I'm one of those people who's perpetually single, but despite that fact one of the most important things I've ever learned is that there are no default rules to a relationship - not a single one - and EVERY relationship is unique. Of course there are basic "models" like monogamy, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, etc, but no one except the people involved in a relationship get to decide what the rules are. Essentially, no one should be asking "Is this normal?" they should be asking "Are we happy?"

Just as no person is perfect, it's virtually impossible for two (or more) people to be 100% compatible on emotional, sexual, spiritual, and physical levels. I'm not enough of a cynic to claim it doesn't happen but, to borrow some lyrics, "I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery." There's a little less difficulty for people who don't identify as kinky, but there's always the chance of a dormant fetish your partner doesn't share waking up. The example I commonly use is people who are into anonymity; not only might a partner not have the same fetish, they literally cannot fulfill that fetish seeing as how it would be impossible for them to be anonymous. If there's something you want or need that your partner literally cannot or simply doesn't wish to fulfill, there is nothing wrong with that.

So what about safety and STD transmission? I'd hate to break it to you, but the second you decide to have unsafe sex with a partner you are already taking a leap of faith and trusting them. Most people in monogamous relationships don't expect their mate would cheat on them until it happens, and it's not unheard of from someone in such a situation to contract an STD due to a cheating spouse. To put it simply: who's more likely to violate your trust, someone who has no other choice but to do so in order to get what they want/need, or someone who knows you care about their desires and want them to be happy?

There are very few times where I support monogamy, as it's an approach to relationships that seems to undermine our very nature. In lieu of love and trust and confidence it emphasizes possessiveness and jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. That's not to say people can't experience love, trust, and confidence in a monogamous relationship, but it's a model that stacks the cards against couples. When your solution to being afraid that you will lose your partner is to remove all other options, I don't believe anyone should be allowed to call that trust.

To be honest, the damaging effects of defaulting to monogamy are much less present in homosexual lives. But in heterosexual culture, children have to endure the pain of a divorce and living in a broken home just because mommy and daddy turned out to not be sexually compatible. The idea that a women with an incredibly high libido and a man with a non-existent one may divorce because the woman had an affair is insanity. Is that a breach of trust if monogamy as agreed upon? Yes, that's true. But is it fair that monogamy's cultural pervasiveness prevents such a sexually imbalanced couple from even thinking to discuss other options? Not only is it unfair, it's an affront.

As I said before, there are no default rules to relationships. Relationships are supposed to be about open communication, honesty, compromise, and sacrifice; intrinsic rules governing relationships impedes this process. So let's look at that unhappy straight couple. The wife asks to explore sex elsewhere and the  husband is appalled, but still loves his wife. The question then is, "If I know I love my wife and vice versa, why am I appalled by something that would make her happy?" Whatever the answer, the two most likely sources are either a lack of trust in the union, or personal feelings of inadequacy. More specifically "Does she really love me if she needs this?" or "Am I just not good enough for her?" The answers might still be pretty vague, but it's a starting point as to where the discussion needs to head. Unless you have a definitive reason to object to your partner doing something, you should find a way to be comfortable with letting them do what makes them happy. The important thing is, once you realize that there are no rules you can find a way to make compromises to ensure you're comfortable with your partner's actions. In this instance, maybe she's only allowed to sleep with one other guy approved by her husband. Or maybe she's allowed to seek sex elsewhere but he doesn't want to hear about it. Or maybe sex is allowed but not kissing or cuddling or some other sign of affection unique to her husband. There are countless possibilities to address what your personal fear regarding the situation is.

I guess if there's anything I'd like to be taken away from this it'd be: trust doesn't mean that you have faith your partner will rely only on you for everything, trust means having faith that your partner wants to be with you and will do whatever is necessary for you to be together and happy, even if that means biting his lip and admitting he's not perfect. Once you have real trust in your partner, you can begin having a discussion about what you both want and need instead of trying to adhere to a set of rules you didn't even concoct.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas

Here's to hoping you get at least one present you can't open in front of family.

Monday, December 24, 2012


Sex hasn't ever really been my thing, as anyone following this blog should know. While normal people start having sex and later explore kink, I skipped straight straight past sex and never really took a liking to it; oral or anal. When I was living in Dallas, a lot of guys not only took issue with it but outright treated me like I was the only person to ever feel that way. It wasn't until moving to Chicago and getting involved in the kink community that I met a few like-minded guys. I'm a self-confident person so the naysayers never really got to me, but it was still a relief to meet guys who shared the same sentiment. It honestly pains me to think that there are similar guys out there who might be more affected by the ridicule.

Lately what has given sex some modicum of appeal in spite of my long-standing lack of interest is the idea of it being approached similar to humiliation. Of course generally sex is a mutual thing and supposed to bring both parties pleasure, but things like chastity, forced orgasm beforehand, or certain positions can make it apparent that mutual enjoyment isn't the intent. It's easy to imagine someone owning your cock when it's locked up but, barring an ass lock, it can be a little more difficult to feel your ass is owned. But when you're tied so your ass is stuck in the air, can't move it an inch, and your cock's locked up, it's not really "sex" any more so much as Sir fucking a hole He owns. Of course it's possible to experience the same with a more mild execution, but either way it's a fucking hot notion.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Hot Guys, Hot Feet (again)

Libido's in overdrive, really needing to be servicing a guy's feet right about now. Submitted without further comment.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Why Bondage?

I think every single person should try getting tied up and tying someone else up at some point – or several points – in their life. In this context I actually mean JUST bondage. But bondage isn’t really JUST bondage, at least not conceptually. I haven’t met many people who are exclusively interested in bondage and, while they exist, the majority of the time bondage is a stepping stone that leads to a myriad of other interests. It even works in reverse where, say, someone into over-the-knee spanking may eventually seek bondage only to enable more intense spanking scenes. I would argue that bondage is the single most prevalent part of the fetish world, in that even if it is not a primary fetish it is still sometimes necessary to enhance another idea.

Now, I post kinky photos on vanilla-oriented sites like Manhunt or Adam4Adam whenever I make a profile. Every now and then I’ll get a guy who responds to a message – or messages me of his own volition – saying “You’re good-looking, but not really into bondage,” and it irks me every time. Why? Because when they say “bondage” they mean it as described above: everything related to, associated with, or leading up to bondage. When someone dismisses something so broad they either haven’t tried anything related to it, or can’t think about it honestly because they’re attributing stigmas to it. If your aversion to kink is so visceral that you feel you have to establish you’re not kinky before even saying “Thank you” when complimented, it may be wise to evaluate why you jump to defend yourself against an “accusation” that wasn’t even made.

I generally shake it off with a quip like “Oh, you’re not into bondage? That’s okay; I’m not into sexually stagnant guys.” I’ve grown jaded due to guys who are intolerant of kink lifestyle, as if it’s “gross” or “wrong” or “weird,” all without a second’s pause to think “Wait, people DO this!? Maybe there’s something to it I don’t get?” But lately I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather be productive.

So, WHY bondage? Why BDSM-oriented sex? The most fascinating thing to me with respect to BDSM is that a Dom/sub dynamic can function as a compressed relationship. The level of trust involved in a D/s scene is so high to begin with that it’d take months in a normal situation to even get close to reaching that starting level. There’s an immense capacity for expressing affection and gratitude, as well as respect, and when a Dom is capable of giving a boy what he needs when he needs it the connection is so palpable it may as well be mind reading. To top it off, the amount of compromise and/or sacrifice a scene can take is absolutely unparalleled. It’s truly amazing to think that some people are willing to go through agony simply for the pleasure of another.

The most IMPORTANT thing to me regarding kink (both BDSM and role-neutral interests like gear and body part fetishes), is that there are very few people who are truly, 100% vanilla. A lot of people joke about how Freud thought everything revolved around sex, but like it or not the need to procreate is still a significant portion of our behavioral makeup. The things we do in the bedroom are still who we are and you can’t just remove them from the whole you. If you suppress one part of you there WILL be ramifications, whether or not you can immediately discern them. The best thing you can do for yourself is to LISTEN to yourself instead of the slew of glaring stigmas and presumptions and stereotypes thrown at you. Assuming you’re mentally healthy, no one knows what’s right for you better than you.

Now, I don't mean to say this is an all-inclusive list of reasons to be interested in bondage or kink. There are as many opinions as there are participants, but if you hadn't been able to understand why some people engage in "sexual deviance" I hope this may have helped shed some light. Just remember: people are people; just because you don't understand something someone does doesn't mean they don't have a perfectly valid reason for doing it.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Geartunes Monday

Here in Chicago there's a video bar called Sidetrack - if you've visited, especially for an event, there's a good chance someone dragged you there. A few times a week they do times of night where they play almost exclusively videos from various musicals. Each night has its own "flavor," if you will, with some nights playing more classic musicals and Monday usually plays more recent ones (Next to Normal, Hedwig, Spamalot, the Buffy musical episode, etc). During a lot of the songs silly things are yelled at the screen, and there are a few other surprises throughout the night. I've only missed 3 Mondays this entire year, and it's still awesome to hear people burst into fits of laughter as they hear a given callback for the first time.

On top of this, over the last year we've started a monthly routine (every 3rd Monday) of donning some hot gear, getting really drunk, and belting out showtunes like big old homos. It's good fun and it's a very vanilla bar so we'll occasionally get boys who wonder over to inquire about what the gear is and/or why someone's wearing it. Now, I'm sure a lot of you are used to seeing guys geared up at leather bars, but to celebrate the last Geartunes of 2012 imagine your biggest, busiest local gay bar with 15-20+ guys in gear like this:

Monday, December 10, 2012


I've never played with safewords, and don't think I ever will. For some reason the idea never sat well with me, and I hadn't stopped to think about it until I started Doming more recently.

Growing into a kinky mindset so early in life, I learned about my own personal interests before I was exposed to BDSM lifetsyle as an adult. Trust was never an issue to me because I truly didn't know any other way to approach people. Call me naive, but I simply haven't seen - and won't believe - that a notable portion of people would truly violate someone's trust.

The fact of the matter is if your vetting process fails and you meet one of the bad ones, nothing is going to save you from that mistake. Violating trust is violating trust is violating trust; safewords do not have some magic immunity to this fact. If someone has no problem violating your trust, there's nothing to stop them from disregarding the safe word. Rather than potentially allowing yourself to be lulled into complacency by a supposed failsafe, focusing on whether or not someone is capable of reading signals and responding accordingly is a far safer approach.

On top of the safety-oriented pratfalls of using safewords, they can get in the way of scenes designed to be more intense. Depending on how difficult a boy is to train, punishment can need to be intense enough to leave a lasting impression and allowing a safeword puts a cap on how intensely a boy can be punished. Of course there's always a concern for safety, but any Dom worth his salt should be able to tell the difference between an "I don't think I can handle this" howl and a "I just broke my wrist" howl.

The best thing I could say regarding this is, using a safeword in some instances can be like trying to run before you can crawl. If your trust in a guy is so fickle that you think he can't read you and you need a failsafe, it may be wise to experiment in some lighter forms of play with him; maybe try a basic hogtie with some spanking before letting him sleepsack you and beat your balls.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Socks, A Love/Hate Relationship

From an aesthetic standpoint, I've always thought a clean pair of socks was really ... well, gorgeous. I wouldn't evens say hot, just "gorgeous." I really have no idea why, but I know that in 6th grade (just under two years before I realized I like boys) there was this skater kid who would walk around class in socks and I always found my eyes wandering whenever he did so. I might have just thought it was cool in that it was slightly rebellious, but the aesthetic somehow stuck. Fast forward over a decade and, as I find myself increasingly interested in foot worship and similar degradation I've had to revisit socks. In a few scenes recently I've been made to service the Dom's socks and sneakers for some time (which I absolutely HATE doing, despite the aesthetic appreciation) in order to earn the privilege of servicing his feet. It ended up being really hot in a degrading way because it made made me anticipate it so much more I'd find myself whimpering unintentionally. That being said, I stumbled upon this first pic in my collection and got me riled enough I had to search for more. Incidentally, if anyone knows the guy ..... *whistles innocently*