When dealing with more intense levels of pain, discomfort, or stress there are very primal instincts which begin to manifest. Generally most men will progress from struggling, to pleading, to exhibiting anger, to "shutting down," and finally to panicking. Some who are more willful like myself may skip straight from struggling to exhibiting anger, but it's likely a small portion of men. To anyone who has seen this in more intense porn it probably goes something like this: *grunt*, *test bounds*, "Please no," "I can't take this," "Fucking STOP," "SERIOUSLY, this is TOO MUCH" then the boy might lay there silent while the situation persists, only to eventually end up flailing wildly for a few seconds.
In operant conditioning, the term "extinction" refers to the process where an organism learns that a particular action no longer yields reinforcement. A good example of this would be a dog learning to sit for a treat. Without delving into intermittent reinforcement schedules, if a dog is never given a treat again the frequency at which they sit on command will decline until they stop entirely. Essentially, the behavior is driven by a reward which suits the dog - once this reward is gone the dog says "Wait .. what's in this for me?" and opts to disregard the command.
In the various stages of response detailed above, extinction applies. The difference is that in this instance the benefit is avoiding something unpleasant instead of obtaining something pleasant. If struggling causes the Dom to become nervous and stop abusing the boy, he will think, if even subconsciously, "What's in it for me if I struggle? Sir stops abusing me." If the opposite happens and the situation persists, the boy will try the next step in the progression to try and avoid the unpleasant experience. The process ends with panic, at which point the boy doesn't have the ability to control his actions for a short time and can't attempt to use various tools to get what he wants.
With a reasonable understanding of extinction in operant conditioning, you can use it to systemically destroy a boy's will. Doing so will effectively make him afraid to try to sway anything in the scene in his favor. The following 5 steps are a crash course to this end:
NOTE: The following is intended only for a boy who has expressed interest in control which transcends his immediate desires. If a boy hasn't specifically indicated he wants to be controlled regardless of how much he wants out in the moment, the process detailed below would be highly immoral, irresponsible, and tantamount to rape. The steps outlined below also assume the safety of the sub is assured, as well as respect of any pre-set limits.
Step 1: Set Expectations
This can be done either by setting very basic, easy to follow rules or through extensive discussion and negotiation. The expectations can range from those basic rules to a play-by-play on an entire scene. What's important is having an idea of what is expected of both parties. It's just as important there be an expectation for enforcement of the terms discussed as it is to have an expectation that they be obeyed by a sub. If the Dom is unable to fulfill the expectation of enforcement, the scene will not end with the boy's will being crushed.
Step 2: Exhibit a Sense of Entitlement
Having a sense of entitlement is the single most important aspect of this sort of dominance. Though you might not have hired the boy, he IS being tasked with performing a service - submission to you. Any aberration from the expectations set should be viewed as deliberate, audacious, and/or offensive. Imagine going to the store and finding the cashier talking on their cell phone as you try to check out. A boy not meeting his expectations should evoke a similar response. He is there to honor those expectations no matter what, and it is your right to require they be honored in any circumstance.
Step 3: Refine Expectations
Once you've reached a level where you feel like the boy is trying to honor his commitments - even if only to avoid agony - it's time to step it up a notch. By this point he might have even become complacent with some things that intially made him move through the progression described at the beginning of this entry. In refining the expectations, you essentially "upgrade" the conditions of submission. Suddenly "no talking without permission" can include grunting past a certain level. Suddenly expressing anger is viewed as an offense in and of itself. Suddenly the boy adjusting himself for comfort while serving as a footrest is punishable. Once you become comfortable with the boy submitting at base level, it should be more natural to notice things you may want to improve about his service.
Step 4: Emotional Detachment
This is something which requires a very cerebral interest in dominance. Guys just looking to get hard and jerk it are simply not suited to take a boy this far. Fortunately, not many boys are that stubborn so they may already be a slab of putty for the Dom to mold before this point. For more stubborn boys, they again begin moving through that progression. Because they tried to hold back for the first wave of expectations, they'll likely move through it faster out of frustration, feeling they've been trying to be good and meet half way. Now is when it's important to remember a Dom's commitment to the expectations set prior to the scene. Basically, as a boy requires higher and higer levels of correction it is important to remind yourself that this is what he asked for. As he's begging and pleading and trying to convince you at all cost to stop, take a deep breath and press on. Once he stops trying to influence your actions, there's no need to push him as far. If you're unburdened by the emotional strain this can place on a man and find yourself enjoying his anguish, then naturally it's your right as his controller to treat him thusly if you so wish. And if he should try to stop you from enjoying yourself by exhibiting anger or shutting down, etc, then it's your right to continue pushing him until he stops trying to rob you of something you enjoy.
Step 5: Aftercare
Depending on the circumstance, some boys may need aftercare/cool-down. It's not always a necessity (and for some boys may need to be avoided), but this kind of pressure can be very psychologically damaging. How you handle a boy who needs aftercare varies significantly from boy to boy and it may involve assuring him he did well while letting him relax, continued service in some way that the boy enjoys directly, edging him until he's horned up and wanting to participate more, etc. A good rule of thumb would be: if you can't read a boy well enough to know what would soothe him after being stressed enough to need aftercare, don't stress him that badly.
So essentially it boils down to a few basic principles buried in the text above: entitlement, accountability, consistency, and apathy. Take what you deserve, expect compliance, leave no disobedience unpunished, and don't fret if a boy bites off more than he can chew. And on that note, a word to any subs seeking this kind of dyamic: you're a big boy. There's a reason the saying "Be carfeul what you wish for" has weathered the ages - if you don't like getting what you ask for, it's not necessarily the Dom's fault.
Outstanding and insightful post. I'll be referring to it often, trying to wrap my head around it. There's a lot to take in in terms of pushing and working boundaries.ReplyDelete
Loved your post, and the rest of your blog. Please keep it up; I'm subscribing!ReplyDelete
So helpful, thank you.ReplyDelete
This is fascinating. I don't think I'd want it done to me, but it's interesting. Maybe it's just because I'm studying the Marquis de Sade at the minute. That's not an insult, by the way. He wouldn't have been too bothered about the whole 'consent' part :))ReplyDelete